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amused 
THE REAPING PLOT SUMMERY
(according to Molly)
Opens with creepy priest scene (fire on the photos, out of the face, forms sickle shape)
CHILE
Hilary Swank (Katherine) with black friend (Ben) checking out plague people and the "miracle cure" (dead priest). HS doesn't believe in religion, people. BADASS! Gothic sewers of Chile (only light flashlights). HS exposes illegal chemical dump
BACK IN AMERICA
HS teaches her university class about this, proving why it saved the body and the people believed it because THEY'RE STUPID AND RELIGION SUCKS. She also sees a strange man in the back of her classroom.
Louisiana: banters with former TA/black guy. He's a player but nice and we like him. He knows what's best for impetuous HS. HS gets a phone call from a priest (Creepy!Priest) and he tells her that it was HER FACE THAT BURNED. We also learn that she used to be religious. Wonder what happened... C!P thinks it's a message from God, HS rebuffs. Patterns says HS is in danger but HS says RELIGION SUCKS and throws down the phone.
Flashback to Africa. Something bad happened. But what? DUN DUN DUUUUN. Where'd that husband and daughter go?
Doug Blackwell shows up with his creepy nondescript face. He's from Haven that sounds nice (and creepy because Haven? Really?). He says the water has turned to blood. HS scoffs at him. He's a science teacher and that's why they sent him out, because middle school science equals genius in the boondocks. They're waiting for the rest of the plagues. HS wants to skip it but after finding out they're blaming it on a little girl who found her dead brother, HS says "NO ONE BLAMES YOUNG GIRLS!" and that's that. HS to the rescue!!
DRIVING BAYOU MONTAGE
Can you say solitude? Gothic village~~ The only radio is radio evangelists. We hear that HS grew up like that. Surprise? TA says it's because of the girl. HS says she's fine. HS is a liar.
We see the city and it looks like Mayberry. A very religious Mayberry. They stop on the street and talk to you. And they like God. A lot. Friendly Pregnant Lady is happy HS is here. Her husband and son show up in the tow truck they make their lives on. Oh, the upper middle class in the boondocks.
..There's a lot of children. And a creepy wind-chime made from when lightening hits sand. That's not foreshadowing at all. AND EVERYONE HAS BABIES. Of course, there are no condoms in Haven. It's a Haven ... FOR SPERM.
They're fire and brimstone people in Haven. Surprise. The mayor meets them there and immediately condemns her for not reading the Bible and tells TA that he doesn't want to go to heaven ... kind of. Oh, subtle racism.
They check out the bayou. There are lots of dead fish and red water. It looks like blood. But of course, HS refuses to believe it. She takes off her bracelet and Nondescript sees that once, she went down the highway. Obviously, no one picked her up. Poor, troubled hero.
They wade in the water because that's what Christians do. But HS does it FOR SCIENCE. TA falls and HS mocks him. Oh, interracial relationships and the camaraderie it inspires.
HS takes pictures of dead animals (For Science) and follows rose petals to where she discovers the young girl everyone hates. She has visions of the girl finding her dead brother and turning the river to blood. Young girl runs away into the forest and HS can't find her and runs into Nondescript instead. He explains that she's Loren McConnell and the town hates her because she's the child of a single mom (dead father: traveling preacher). Haven doesn't like those that don't fit in. Oh, the name fits.
They find the ruins of a "haven" that was destroyed by 3 hurricanes in 3 years. That's a sign from God. There are lots of dead people there. HS finds a bone and picks it up with her hands. Good job, SCIENTIST.
TA, still in the river, finds a frog and thus begins PLAGUE 2, THE FROGS. It's startling but not surprising. TA tells HS and she, once again, has no answer. BUT IT IS NOT GOD. Devil Child watches from a distance.
TA is believing in God, but HS mocks him. There is science, a PH level. TAKE THAT, GOD. We find out that they're staying at Nondescript's house. Bow Chicka Wow Wow. Also TA and HS are not together. We break racial barriers but we don't go that far. TA wants HS to get some. HS laughs it off but she wants it.
She makes small talk with Nondescript and it's all sciency but Nondescript was talking about the scenery. Oh, you silly scientist. Nondescript has a nice house and we find out he comes from "a long line of only children" ... foreshadowing? Maaaaaybe. WIND-CHIME. DANGER!
I will say this now: I am not looking forward to the sex scene. :(
TA gets a couch and HS gets an awesome room. Racism or Nondescript not liking competition? HS lost her bracelet at the swamp. It had sentimental value. Oh well. She looks for it in the truck and the scene changes. Apparently, it's not that important.
Nondescript is making fish barbeque! You fun, southern host, you! He sees that TA is a churchman. TA reveals that HS is an ordained minister in a past life and he believes in miracles due to bullets he took in his youth. They laugh about tattoos and prayer and HS wins and then BAM! FLIES! 3rd plague, you came out of nowhere, you sly dog.
A call says that the cattle are acting strange. 4th plague, that you? (I'm so excited for the bull part.) They drive up in the darkness when, out of nowhere, ANGRY BULL GORES THE CAR. The farmer shoots him and we're safe, but not before the bull takes down a car door. Bull? Possibly more badass than HS.
Cows are falling over left and right and HS can't find an answer. Possibly because God is the answer. But HS scoffs at religion so it can't be that. TA keeps saying that it's God but HS is annoyed at him. She asks what the message is with these plagues. What's the warning? TA doesn't know but still thinks it's God. HS disproves the Biblical plagues with science. TA accepts it but grabs his cross. He knows HS isn't going to heaven.
HS meets a child and thus, calms down. He's drawing a picture of a blond girl (obviously Devil Child) making the cows "lie down". HS cons the child out of the picture and he draws a fire-truck. Kid has priorities.
The mayor is annoyed! Why are cows dead?! Why didn't you stop the Devil Child?! Obviously she has magical, cow-killing powers! Damn you hopeless grunts! Nondescript defends Devil Child but the mayor scoffs. Take in that welfare family! Their poverty is killing livestock!
We hear stories about how they are creepy out in the woods and possibly witches/cult/occult/sacrificers/bad people that are poor. And it's obviously true because the witness is too dumb to make this shit up. That's proof for you.
THE PRIEST SCENE BEGINS! A statue turns into flies and scares C!P. A nun saves him, though by touching his shoulder. She's also Asian. I don't know if that had anything to do with it but I had to point it out. C!P sees a a picture of a blond child conjuring demons. We know her, don't we? I could have sworn...
We sees TA's badass Jesus tattoo as he dissects the frog and watches the maggots. Gross. HS is in her room, on her macbook, like me. Mine is cooler though because it has Asian men and not bugs.
She hears strange sounds and as she fixes the fireplace and her husband is behind her OH NO but she turns around and he's gone and the lights go out. GOTHIC! We see a scary child face. Danger! She wanders around in the dark, lightening storm, towards music upstairs. Is this Nondescript's kind of seduction? Cause if so, he sucks. She walks into his room and sees pictures of him and his wife. The window breaks and she jumps. She looks out and finds the skipping record player. There's a light on the yard! Obviously, she checks it out because that's the totally smart thing to do, HS.
An eerie scene with her walking in a white outfit to a chanting Nondescript in the trees. He stops when he notices her. She apologizes (which she should. You don't live here HS) and he offers her alcohol. It's really strong. It IS seduction! We hear about his wife who died from the big C. No kids. OH NO. THIS TOWN NEEDS KIDS. She sympathizes with his grief but he has none of it because he likes his ghosty wife. HS opens up about her dead husband. She was in the Sudan with her husband and her daughter (Sarah). They were good intentioned and excited but there was a drought. Uh oh...
Everyone dies and blames the missionaries. Her family was sacrificed to God for rain. ....How embarrassing. The "first night she stopped praying was the first night she slept." That's what happens when your family is sacrificed. God is no longer your BFF. And apparently, that's how widows flirt because now they love each other and HELLO SEX SCENE. The background music is vaguely religious and HS has visions of Devil Child and wait, WAS IT A DREAM?
Her breakfast egg is made of blood and Devil Child is in the forest and she trips and she's in THE SUDAN!?!? You expect me to buy this, Reaping? Devil Child is in the sudan too and is making HS relive her memories of her dead family. Way to go, Devil Child. She tells her daughter she's lucky because "God gave me you". Well, He giveth and he taketh away, BEYOTCH. And then the child is Devil Child and the excutioner is behind and stabs her and she's back in bed and STILL SLEEPING as TA awakes her. This part of the movie is fucked up. TA comforts her in a platonic way and tells her that "God protects His children, even if they don't know it yet". Well, He didn't protect Sarah, now, did He? HS cries because she's a badass with emotions~
HS goes for a glass of water and sees footprints of sand. Her footprints. Dun dun duuuuun. Signs from God? Or sledgehammer of knowledge from God?
Science says that the cows aren't sick. In fact, all the plagues aren't scientifically proven. They need to do an autopsy on Brody (They haven't done it yet?) and Nondescript expresses concern that HS is going to the Devil Child house. Don't worry, Nondescript. HS is badass, remember? God can't hurt her!
HS approaches the creepy house and knocks. She hears noises and then walks in like a prowler. HS tries to own every house she visits. HS needs to learn some general rules of etiquette. The house is a mess and she's disgusted but you would think she would be more disgusted with the dead priest in Chile. Whatevs. She goes into the pantry and it's important but you can't tell that yet. She finds a secret passage that has the same sickle mark that C!P told her about. She stares in consternation until Devil Child finds her.
She talks all nice to her but Devil Child is silent because Devil Children don't know how to speak. She is wearing HS's sentimental bracelet (that was her daughters) but HS kind of gives it to Devil Child. Blood is dripping down her leg and HS assumes it's menstrual blood. She tries to clean it up but Devil Child continues staring and just generally being creepy. HS tells her she's "becoming a woman" and Devil Child glares more. HS holds out the wet rag like she's approaching a tiger and when she touches the blood, she has a vision of Devil Child running in the forest, defending herself against something and watching her brother die. There's a hell of a lot of blood on that rag and when she comes back from the vision, Devil Child is gone. HS might have done LSD in her youth...
She goes back in the house, confused and the door closes behind her. There is evidence that the child at least used to be loved. She has a vision of the executioner but it's the mom. She utters the famous line "Are you going to kill my baby girl?" No "Why not?" The mom fully buys into the Devil Child idea. HS asks the tactful question of how Brody died. Mom says that she didn't know any better but then Devil Child jumps her from behind, screaming. The mom wins the fight but kicks HS out of the house. Oh, the joys of motherhood.
Back in Haven, people are burning things and having town meetings. People are liced, friend. 5th plague, welcome to the party. There's a lot of head shaving and dirty looks towards TA and Nondescript. How do you blame those two for LICE? They aren't God. The mayor says to take in the Devil Child because, once again, killing a young girl will solve all your magical problems.
On her drive back, HS sees some cow burning. There's a lot of fire in this movie. It's a dramatic scene made comic by the fact that COWS ARE BURNING. TA tells her that he's about to do the autopsy. Brody, of course, is a sight to see but we don't get to see it yet.
Nondescript admonishes HS for going alone and tells HS there are things "going on in there...prepare yourself". We then see Brody, who looks like Samara got to him. Devil Child IS Samara. There's also a sickle on the back of his body. HS wants the FBI to come in (she thinks it's a cult) but no one wants to bring in the police. The lab confirms that the water is blood. Looks like science won't save you now, HS. Up in heaven, God is laughing at your confused face.
HS calls C!P. The police are going after Devil Child. Chaos is in the air. There's a prophecy, of course. The firstborn is left unharmed to carry on the line but the other offspring are sacrificed to Satan in this cult. It happens when they reach puberty. BUT Devil Child HIT PUBERTY (thus explaining the awkward women bonding over gross menstrual blood scene)! She hasn't been sacrificed because she's the "perfect child" who'll be reborn with the "eyes of satan" a "child in Satan's image". Satan is protecting Devil Child but HS doesn't believe she's evil. C!P is having none of it. She's a devil child for a reason. He says that Haven is the start of it all. Garden of Eden anyone?
The 6th plague is out in full force, taking down everyone with those nasty ass boils. Funny how these plagues only hit like 12 people at a time. C!P things that HS is an angel sent to kill Devil Child because she's a "woman of the cult" but HS says no, I don't lynch young girls. She refuses to do it. The mark on Brody is proof. And THERE'S THE FIRE I WAS WAITING FOR. CP is trapped with fire OH NOES
HS drives with a mission on her face as the fire takes C!P. Nondescript tries to convince the people not to kill a little girl but the town is bloody thirsty for YOUNG CHILD. There's even a "Yee HAW!" in there. Oh, hicks.
HS returns to the secret door at Devil Child's house but this time, goes down the stairs as there's no menstruating Devil Child to stop her. She ends up in some sort of holding cell/torture chamber/ritual room. It's pretty creepy, I have to admit. There's a lot of things that can kill a person down there and we get to see them all. HS finds the Mom whimpering and asks where Devil Child is. Mom says, with confidence, she's "Gone over" and that "He controls her now" "Her part's done". Notice how she never says Satan. Hint, anyone?
HS shows her highway scars to bond but Mom blows her brains out. Oh well. She was mean and creepy, anyway. We hear footsteps from above. HS hides as Devil Child appears, trickle of blood once again prominent. Too bad we think she's truly a Devil Child at this point. She sees her dead mom's body and blood goes to surround her feet. Gross. She may be the angel but that's still gross. HS's walkie talkie alerts Devil Child to the presences. Bad move. Turn that shit off. Before Devil Child can get to her, though, the coppers show up. Good timing, bloodthirsty mob!
HS grabs a weapon (a torture-y one!) and goes to go out but um gross locusts ew. They cover the door. When she opens the door, they are everywhere and if I were her I would scream and possibly die on the spot. Devil Child is standing among them, like show owns the place (well, technically, she does now..) There's a standstill as BM watches her and the locusts. As they go to kill her, the bugs attack in a giant swarm of pain. They smother people, throw cars, they're basically the Chuck Norris of the bug world. They even go after HS and TA which is sad. HS escapes but the bugs burst the window. TA and Nondescript run away. TA finds the dead person haven vault thing. I know what's going to happen and I'm sad because I liked him. Nondescript jumps in the blood river. Grosser than bugs? Too close to call.
The bugs go away at this point. I don't know why, really. We see Devil Child walk through the woods. HS calls TA and he says he's in the crypt and doesn't know where Nondescript is. She apologizes for being too angry at God but as a good Christian who fears for his life, TA is okay with it. He also finds a door with the sickle on it. Uh on.
He sees a dead person in it. Actually, a lot of dead people. Children, actually. Cult, anyone? THis is sad but made slightly funny by the writing on skulls and bad makeup. He goes to meet her at the truck.
She exits the house and finds the BM dead. Surprise. TA opens the door to wind-blowing Devil Child and tells HS he can't meet her. He backs down the stairs but screams for some reason and I am sad inside because I know the stupid bastard just killed him. I hate you, Nondescript. HS finds his body and cries because the locusts gave her emotions.
Nondescript walks in like he didn't just KILL TA THE BASTARD and says he hid in the swamp. They form a plan: He'll stay there and she'll find her to "end this". Yeah, whatever, HS. She sticks the ouchie knife in her pants and confronts Devil Child who still hasn't talked except for that scream. The suns starts to go away and we were wondering when darkness was coming so there you go. This would be epic if you could actually see the screen.
Lightning strikes behind each of them, burning down things. Devil Child looks nonplussed. HS tries to sweet talk Devil Child and then stab her but she screams and HS sees her visions. THE TOWN IS THE CULT AND TRIED TO KILLED HER. Devil Child speaks for the first time to recount that "God gave me you line" and HS asks "How do we know what's real?" Devil Child responds "Faith". Devil Child ran away from the ritual, Brody chases her, we see Nondescript as the true evil man, and Brody dies because he stabs his sister. But she heals magically. BECAUSE SHE'S AN ANGEL. He rots, though. Nice try, bro. Devil Child may be a devil but she's also Samara.
HS realizes that Devil Child is actually Angel Child and stops trying to kill her (good call, HS). Nondescript shows up, saying that Angel Child tricked her, perverting her faith through life. She also remembers all those lines about second born not mattering. She refuses to kill her and says that Nondescript tried to kill her but failed and he called her in to do it. Nondescript says that she's not innocent and all this is her fault. She also realizes that he killed TA. This is sad and all but HS should have been smarter throughout the ENTIRE MOVIE and not blabbered on about SCIENCE.
As she's about to take Angel Child away, the rest of the cult shows up with fire. Nondescript says they used to pray to God here but He never helped so they abandoned God. Nondescript's family started the cult. He wants to reach out because they all turned their back on God. Nondescript needs HS to kill Angel Child because she's the only one that can. He tries to turn her against God which actually should have been easy but she actually says that God didn't kill her family but a Godless man did. And due to everyone being a firstborn, the entire town is about to die. How embarrassing. Your cult rule has come back to haunt you.
HS and Angel Child hug and everyone gets burned up by meteorites around them. Nondescript tries to kill her and tells HS to tell Angel Child to stop. HS says no and that it's God's will. Angel Child watches as HS is sucked in the fires with Nondescript but only he dies. Then, stillness. BUT THIS AIN'T OVER YET.
Angel Child and HS are the only ones left alive (or are they?). They see the damage that is all that is left of the town and leave. As they drive off, Angel Child watches the town disappear and HS tells her it's okay. They are now an adorable family. It's just the "two of us".
Angel Child says "What about the boy?" "What boy?" "The boy inside you. The baby." ...OH NO. DEVIL SPAWN. Ready for that abortion, HS?
